Times to Remember

There will come a time when they don't do this anymore, so grateful to have captured the evidence now!

Sledding

My brother and I used to spend hours sledding in our coulee.  We would go out when the sun came up and sled until we couldn't walk back up the hill anymore.  Good times.  The next generation is getting started (on a smaller hill but you have to start somewhere!).

Birdfeeders

It looks like we grew our own birdfeeders this year.  Genius!  Or too lazy to pull them out of the garden...but since I don't know how to roast sunflower seeds I am sticking with genius!  The kids will be very excited if we get a bunch of visitors to the garden this winter.  

SNOW!

I see shoveling that needs to be done, my kids see an awesome opportunity to play!  They have the right idea :)

So much fun!

I worked with this group on the week-end and it was so much fun.  The wonderful thing about working with dancers is they are so used to being watched that they don't have a self-conscious bone left (or are very capable of hiding it).  Such a wonderful group, I can't wait for their website to be up!

Happy Halloween!

Even in snowsuits the kids had fun :)

Puppy Love

Who could resist those little puppy dog eyes...and the couple is pretty cute too!

Jealousy

Last year I started working with some wonderful dancers and every time I watch them perform there is a tiny bit of jealousy...I do wish I could move like they do!  Amazing!!

He's Sleeping in There Somewhere...

G has this funny habit of putting stuff on his head when he is falling asleep.  Sometimes it's his pillow, other times it's his stuffies.  It's always and adventure to find him in his bed once he is asleep!

Happy Birthday G!

A few days ago my little man turned 6, he was so excited!  He is one of the younger kids in his class so most of his friends were already 6.  He ran around the playground on Monday telling everyone that he was finally 6!  It was adorable!  It has been an amazing 6 years.  G is one of those kids that wakes up happy every morning and sees each day as an adventure and it warms my heart to see.  There is no kid who carries more joy in his heart.  This morning I was awake before the kids and reading when I realized G was also awake because he started singing a song en francais in his room.  It made the start to my day even better than it already was!  It is this joy he carries that I so fiercely want to protect.  I realize how fragile it is and I worry about it being broken.  These are the feelings that you get no warning about.  They are not in the parenting books, they are not something that your friends can put into words and they are certainly not something that can be explained.  I want G to believe in Santa, the Toothfairy and magic for as long as he can.  I want him to keep that joy in his heart forever.  I want him to see the world as a wonderful place full of adventure.  When I was pregnant and I said all I want is a healthy baby that was true.  More true than you realize if you were a part of that pregnancy and all that went with it.  Him being born healthy was just the first step, once we conquered that then other wishes came into being.  It comes down to health and joy for me though.  Those are the things that I believe will keep him going when he is faced with the ugliness that is in the world that I cannot protect him from and refuse to lie to him about.  

My wish for both my children is that even though there is blackness in the world for it not to invade their hearts.  Keep the joy, keep singing, keep dancing.  

Keep being you G, you are amazing just as you are!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am grateful for so very many things in my life and it's not just at Thanksgiving that I am amazed at how wonderful of world I live it but it does make me think longer about it.  Here is a small sampling of what I am thankful for:

My kids - they make me laugh, they make me cry and they overflow my life with love
My husband - we still slow dance in the kitchen after 17 years together, I think that says it all.  He lights up my life.
My parents/brother - these are my roots, they bring me back to earth whenever I start to drift.  They remind me of the important stuff and still let me enjoy the frivolous stuff I love without feeling guilty.
My friends - I have awesome friends!  They are supportive in whatever wackiness I dream up.  We each have stresses in our lives and problems but whenever I spend time with any of them we find ways to laugh and I always leave feeling uplifted.  For this I am very thankful.
My legs - they have taken me so many places and ran so many miles.  I have asked a lot of them and they have taken me places that my heart was hesitant and heavy to go to but I needed to be there.  They have also walked me through labour and walked my babies round and round the room.  
My hands-my hands hold those I love when they are happy, sad and everything inbetween.  
My health - I am so lucky that while my body is not perfect it gets me through each day with minimal objection.
My heart -  that is it big enough and strong enough to endure both the ups and down of my life and seems to always have room to expand and hold more love.

It's an amazing life and I look forward to all the adventures to come!

Monkey on the Monkey Bars

Little goofball!

Cuties

There is no denying it, they are cuties!

She has music in her soul and bells on her toes

A loves to dance and was completely thrilled to receive this hand-me-down recital dress from a friend.  She wears it everyday that I let her! 

Cobwebs

This is what my brain feels like it is full of when the little one is sick and I'm up half the night with her.  

Done!

One more Melissa's done!  Lots of foul language used going up the hill :)  It was a great week-end, with beautiful weather and beautiful company.  See you next year!

Why do I do this to myself?

Seriously, what was I thinking when I signed up for the race that goes up this hill?  Pah!

They really do grow fast

And yet still maintain those fantastic personality traits that I love so much.  I remember this "I only turned my back for a second" moment.  That speed has not changed. 

"My work here is done"

Why ruin it?

I love the colours of the sunrises and sunsets and we are getting to the time of year where I actually enjoy being up with the sun.  I am not a morning person so having the sun rise at 4:30 am and subsequently the kids...well it's not a pretty combination.  So to be standing enjoying the sunset and have someone say "the colours are only that brilliant because of all the pollution" makes me want to slap you.  It's good information but shut up and enjoy the peace of the moment.

The flowers are fading

It is starting to feel like fall in the morning!

And so begins another school year

Grade 1!!!!!

Some days I wake up happy...

Some days I wake up like this!

Mud Puddles

My kids went out to my parents for a sleepover a couple of weeks ago and there were no mud puddles.  My brother felt bad so he dug a hole in the garden filled it with water and created a mud puddle for my kids.  This isn't it but it shows how much they enjoy puddles!

Goosebumps

This was my 7th year of cheering at Ironman Canada and the start line never fails to give me goosebumps!

Away

My thoughts have been elsewhere and not of things that I have wanted to write about.  Today it struck me that I could just post pictures and be happy with that.  So begins that phase of "a picture is worth a thousand words" because I don't feel like writing 100.

Moonrise over Hester Creek Vineyard

Vacation!

It was amazing!  We stayed at a fabulous resort, we ate well, we went to the beach, we went to the pool, we ran and we slept!
The streak didn't make it through vacation.  The heat was intense so M would workout in the morning and I would go at night.  One night I left to go for a run and while I was driving down to the path it started to thunder and lightning so that was the end of a very short streak.  Balance is a good thing though because I did go for a run the next night and it was good.  Crazy hot even at 9pm but it was still a good run.  


Here are a couple of my favourite shots from our holiday!


Bottom of the waterslide!  Yes M and A are in that splash :)

 G must have made a thousand trips down, he loved the slide!

 Fun in the pool!

 Biking with Dad!

 Amazing sheet lightning in Cranbrook.  This picture was taken about 3:45am.  

5 days of freedom

Freedom from junk that is :)  The body appreciates the change already!  I've limited myself to popcorn and the chocolate chips in my trailmix (which is minimal).  Already seeing changes on the scale.


The runs are still sucking but they will get better.  That is just what happens when you take most of a month off.  It will come back quickly, I just need to be patient.

Like a mallet

Some realizations are slow, some are quick, some are pleasant and some smack you on the forehead like a mallet.  Sometimes you really are the hammer, sometimes you really are the nail.


The last week I was the nail.


After Gabriel was born I didn't lose weight and was frustrated, turned out it was beyond my control, got my health figured out and started to lose weight just in time to get pregnant again.  After Aoife I have tried a few times to lose weight but never with a lot of dedication.  There was always an excuse to have a treat...birthdays, long runs, movie dates...surviving Tuesday (okay that one was weak but I used it).  The justification was that I was being a role model by being active.  Sure I was not the ideal weight but my kids saw me moving and that had to make up for a lot right?  And yes it does, it is great that my kids "train" all the time.  They run, bike, swim, join me with my personal trainer, and they just move ALL THE TIME!  It's awesome.


Last week it hit me that it does no good to be an active role model if I am not here!  I need to get to a healthy weight not because I don't want my kids to see me as fat but simply because I want them to see me.  


It's that simple, I want to be here.

July Re-Start

I hardly ran in June and I missed it.  

So I am going to try and start a new streak.  Not sure if I will succeed, we are going on vacation and running in the heat is my nemesis.  I am actually a complete fair weather runner.  I like the temp to be in my sweet spot or I head to the treadmill.  To be honest I prefer the treadmill.  But when deprived of my treadmill I like temps from -5 to +20 anything outside of that you are going to be hard pressed to get me to run.  The temps for our vacation are predicted to be up to +33 right now.  That means early morning runs!  There is going to be a whole lot of suck it up to get these runs in!  That is okay, I did runs at 10pm for the last streak, pretty sure I can figure this one out as well.  

July is also my healthy body re-start.  Another reason I love my treadmill so much is that I am very self-conscious about how I look when I run.  I was teased A LOT as a kid about looking like a duck when I run and it took me years before I ran again at all.  While I felt good about my body running outside was not an issue but now that I am not feeling so good about the jiggles in my stride it is a bit intimidating to get outside and run.  I figure no one really wants to see that coming down the path toward them or worse away from them!!  So it's time to get back to a place where I even want to run outside.  That means losing some weight and running lots inside so feel fitter.  Bring it on July!

Sweat feels so good!

After having my body rocked by a nasty virus it was so nice to have the sweat pouring down my face this morning.  Lungs are still a little tight but so much better than last week!  Road to recovery time!


Since I completely bailed on my A race for the year, and do not regret it for a second I'm looking around for alternate 10k's.  I am signed up for Melissa's in September but that is not a race to PB on...or maybe it is.  That would be a hard earned PB!  Hmmmm.  Off to ponder.

Grinding to a halt and then getting back in the groove!

Well once the streak ended I took another two weeks to get healthy.  Nasty ass virus!  Now there is a small problem with being too sick to run (or at least having lungs that hate you for it) but not being so sick that you lose your appetite.  So eating well (too well) and not exercising was a recipe for weight gain.  I put back on what I had lost so far this year plus a little bit.  Time to get my butt back in gear.  The running is coming back but the lungs still have a ways to go!

Parenting Wars

A few weeks ago I started a post about competitive parenting and how stupid it is.  It sat in my draft file for a bit and then I deleted it.  This Mom said so much better what I was trying to get at and expands the topic so much more articulately than I ever could have!  I was unable to fully explain why competitive parenting pisses me off so much and this is exactly why.  Formula vs Breastfeeding, working vs stay-at-home, and all the other petty shit means nothing compared to not having a family.

http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2012/05/where-is-mommy-war-for-motherless-child.html

Zoo Trip!

Yesterday I had the fun time (insanity) of helping to chaperone the wee dude's class at the zoo.  It was a fun but exhausting day!


This guy was the speed I was wishing the kids were moving at!

 Mr. Thoughtful!

 Mr. King of the Gorillas

 Such a beautiful bird!

 Playtime!

 Pretty!

 Lunchtime!

6 Months of Streaking!

I can't believe I have ran every day since Dec 1, 2011!  There have been fantastic runs and there have been ass-dragging craptastic runs.  This last week has mostly been the latter.  I have been sick for nearly a week and only the goal of reaching 6 months made me get on that treadmill.  I crossed a line into stupid and with that in mind unless I miraculously wake up healthy tomorrow it will be a rest day.  I am sad to end the streak on a fizzle but honestly would not end it while things were going well so I guess it is inevitable that it ends this way.  I have enjoyed the journey and impressed that I did not get injured this whole time!  


So the final count is:
183 days
893 km 


Longest run:14k
Shorted run: 1 mile
Average run: 4.88km
6 1/2 seasons of Scrubs 
6 seasons of How I Met Your Mother
2 seasons of Reaper
2 seasons of Big Bang Theory 


:)

Shy

Wait am I talking about myself?  Yes I am.  It's true I am actually very shy.  I do not like attention and I do not like to stand out in a crowd.  I am not an attention whore.  But I have a blog?  That is a fundamentally narcissistic endeavor.  At that is true of most blogs and probably a little bit for mine as well.  I still hide here mostly in anonymity.   I have very few readers that know me and I get very little other traffic.  So this is still a safe little haven for me.  I realize what I write is out there for anyone to read but there is much more interesting stuff to read than this out there!  So shy girl has an attention seeking blog...WTF?  So I'm not perfect, get over it.  Also once you meet me I am horrible at holding back, I will make crude comments, swear and generally just be myself regardless.  You might as well know who I am right away then you can decide if you want to stay or leave ASAP.  I do not have any firm boundaries.  I'm just a paradox of a girl.


So why write about being shy in this very public way?  Well, most of you know I struggle with my weight.  I have been trying to lose weight for a long time now (seems like my entire adult life!) and I may lose a bit but it always comes back.  I've been spending some time trying to figure out why and part of it is my shyness.  I don't mind sharing my weight loss with a small group of people I trust but when it comes to more and more people noticing it and commenting on it...well I have a small panic attack.  In fact I have noticed that I breath a sigh of relief when the scale goes back up.  I simply do not like the attention that I get for losing weight.  This is something I have to figure out how to get over!  It's not bad attention, most people are very encouraging and I should be able to say "thanks for noticing my hard work" but it doesn't work that way.  Somehow I feel more invisible behind my weight and only have to come out when I choose.  Attention feels more in my control when I am heavier.  This also feeds into why I love my treadmill...no one sees me run!  Now that I'm getting to know more and more people in my neighbourhood, someone always sees when I go for a run and it freaks me out.  Maybe I should always run in a balaclava?  A few weeks ago a total stranger honked and gave me the thumbs up while I was out running.  Completely threw me off.  I know it was meant as encouragement as I went up a hill but it still made me jumpy.


So how do I deal with this strange facet of my personality.  First off I need to acknowledge that the comments are compliments!  And even if I suspect they are not (there are a couple people that are less than positive in my life) I need to learn to err on the side of optimism and accept it as a compliment.  Second I need to be able to say "thank-you, I am working hard" back.  Mostly of the time I shrug the comments off and say something like "not really, just changing shape".  Screw it, losing weight is hard work and I should say so!  Writing all this down in my jumbled stream of consciousness will help me .  So this little blog is about to get a little batty.  




So lovely readers, when I start losing weight and if you choose to compliment me on it, hold me to saying "Thank-you" because I'm going to start keeping a journal of comments and my reactions to them and then a 3rd column for what a regular person might think :) Ha!  What do I know about regular people?  Maybe tracking my feelings about it will help me to not go back up the scale.  Can't hurt to try!


J

DNS

That was me this morning.  I did not run my 10k race.  Picked up my race number and an hour later started to feel off.  Off quickly turned into full blown nastiness.  Sensitive skin, sore throat, achy body.  Still I was optimistic that it wouldn't last long.  Fool.  By last night the best decision was to give my bib away so I wouldn't do something totally stupid.  This morning I stayed in bed until 11:00 and thanks to the miracle that is Tylenol I feel halfway human.  I still get to put a couple notches on the stupid stick though since I have ran 2k each day just to keep my streak alive.  
Extra bonus is that the person that I gave my bib too ran a 1:05 which was my dream goal.  It's like she was channelling me :)  So thanks Kel for setting that goal in cement for me!!  Now I have to hit that time :)

Modifying Goals

2nd 10k of the season is coming up on Sunday.  And while I am not concerned about the endurance I am concerned about the speed.  It's time to modify my goals.  There is not a snowballs chance in hell that I am breaking an hour on Sunday (which is what I wanted to do back in January) and I am okay with that.  I knew it was a huge long shot then and I am not disappointed at all.  Having that goal still got me out doing longer runs and doing speedwork so it was a great motivator.  At the beginning of the month my 10k was 1:11:xx so my first goal is to beat that, my second goal is to beat my time from last year (1:09:xx) and my big if things go perfectly and I have a tailwind for 10k goal is 1:05:xx.  So two realistic goals and one nutbar goal.  That is how I roll :)

Craberella

The sun is shining, my family is awesome and healthy.  I have a pretty fantastic life and yet I am crabby.  It's not an invalid emotion it just doesn't make sense.  There is nothing specific to be crabby about.  There it is though.  It starts with a mild annoyance about something insignificant (like why is there toothpaste smeared on the counter?), sometimes it morphs into losing my patience over nothing (please for the love of all things holy put your shoes on without fighting me about it), which makes me feel guilty for not showing a bit more compassion and understanding...and the day can go to shit from there.  Maybe I can stop it from going that way today.  I've stepped away from the shoes (go barefoot to ride in the car, does it truly matter?) and take a deep breath.  


Then run!

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to my completely amazing husband!  He brings me up when I'm feeling down and keeps me grounded when I'm being a wingnut (and that is frequent).  There is not one person that I would rather share this incredible journey with.


Now you can all stop gagging!


And for a little fun give this a watch:
Warning: *bad language, dark humour, totally inappropriate for children and those with a stick up their ass.  


http://youtu.be/Zn6gV2sdl38

Lesson's Learned

First 10k of the year was this morning and it was rough.  My legs felt like they were full of cement and my ass had a piano tied to it.  I didn't even turn my watch on so have a general idea of time but that is it.  There were lots of walk breaks and the km between 4-5k was the longest km ever!


BUT


The snowflakes were drifting around me in a freakish spring snow storm.  It was beautiful.  I kept on running just in shorter amounts and really it was a good morning!


Now to rethink how to approach the end of May 10k.


Things to work on:
Nutrition-I have not been eating well and it shows.  
Definitely do not eat sushi the day before!  It was so yummy but soya sauce blows me up like a balloon.
Endurance, I can run the distance no problem but not at the pace I want to.  I need to work on running faster more consistently.  


At the end of the day it was a good race with a good friend and that is why I do this running thing.  It's really about the friendships not the numbers!

5 Months

What began as 1 month of streaking has become 5!  How did that happen? 


And this week is going to be a cut back week, I'm limiting myself to a longest run of 5k during the week in anticipation of my first race of the season this week-end!  It's a 10k and I have no worries about being able to do the distance (yay) but I'm wondering if it is worth it to go all out and aim for a pb?  I've hit this point where I have to decide what my goals are.  Do I want to keep streaking or do I want to make some pb's?  It is possible to do both but it will take a lot of self discipline and I'm not sure that I care that much about meeting both to do that.  Like I said in a previous post it's been years since I hit a pb, what is another year?  This might be the only time I attempt to streak.  Once this one is broken I don't see myself taking it back up.  I am enjoying it but at the same time I feel the itch to do something else fitness wise.   


Things to ponder!

Artistic Licence

A's revised version of a childhood song:


Ring around the rosie, 
Pocket full of posies, 
Husha,
Husha, 
We all have a toot!!

It's not the clothes!

Do these pants make my ass look fat?


No, your fat makes your ass look fat!


It's not the label that is wrong, it's your ass.


How many times have I thought "this sizing must be off, I'm not really that size!".  Uhm bad news self, it's not the clothes!


Don't worry this isn't a self-loathing moment.  I'm actually having a good laugh at my bad logic!  And doing something about it!

Bubbles!

My kids love to blow bubbles!!!  In the winter we blow them in the tub but nothing beats that first outside bubblefest!

Pure mischief here!

 So proud to have caught a bubble!

Damn that girl has lashes! 

What a munchkin!

Spring Runs and Mystery Plants

Today feels like spring and indeed my garden would agree.  I went out to pull out the old leaves and was delighted to find a selection of wonderful green underneath.  There was also a mystery plant growing that will be interesting to find out what it actually it.  I thought it was a piece of felt from Christmas decorations when I first found it but discovered it was a plant when I pulled up the first bit I found and discovered the rest of the plant.  I only pulled off one leave and when I dug down in the old leaves I found a pretty large plant hiding underneath.  No idea where it came from.


This mornings run was wonderful!  It felt so good to be out in a tank and capris.  Sun shining on my face but not so hot as to make me wish I was in the shade :)  I am the Goldilocks of runners.  I like it not too hot and not too cold but juuuuuuust right!  The extra bonus is that we ran 13k and since I'm training for a 10k I'm feeling pretty good about my endurance!  Now to keep working on the speed!


Now off to shower!  Pretty sure I could scare away a skunk right now!

It's Off!

Unit #5 is on it's way to New York!  Yay!!


So who wants to pose nude for my next unit?  Takers?

Unit #5

Unit #5 is almost all packaged up and ready to send off to New York.  That leaves one unit left and I will be the person who has taken the longest to complete this freaking course :)  I'm sure there are lots that never finished it though!  
This round was an interesting group of pictures that I found much less stressful than the portrait assignment!  I've also let go of taking a picture a certain way because that is the "right" way to do it.  Sometimes it's okay to break the rules!  You just have to be selective of which ones you break and not break too many :)  It is much more relaxing to take back a bit of that control and say "this is what felt right to me".  Sometimes I'll be wrong and the picture will flop but if you never take chances you never develop either!  Fingers crossed that my rule breaking was successful!

PB's

Here is the thing with PB's.  I like them but I haven't had one in years.  I haven't had one since before I had kids!  That means it's been over 6 years since I've PB'd anything.  Crazy!  For some people this would be reason to give up running (I'm not that much of a drama queen).  I am getting closer to my old times but they are still a long ways away.  This got me thinking about the fact that I am not running in the same body I was 6 years ago.  And it's not the pregnancies that have made the drastic changes, they certainly factor in but it's the Celiac Disease that seems to have permanently altered my system.  Hard work will get me back to setting some PB's but it's still a long road.  I'm still learning how to properly fuel my system and how to help it recover.  While it was undiagnosed I had some of my all time worst runs.  The kind of runs that you walk home from, sit on the step and cry.  Since being diagnosed the runs have gotten worlds better.  I've also learned that appropriate hydration is not optional.  Dehydration is my biggest enemy.  I carry water on even my shortest run on the treadmill and anything over 45 minutes outside.  I can get a second wind on a run now.  When things start to go badly, I can take a short walk/water/gel and get going again.  Before when things went badly there was nothing I could do to fix it.  Oddly the recoveries are much easier, my legs continue to surprise me.  I'm so much less sore than ever after a long run.  So factoring in the massive change in my body I'm declaring all my old PB's void and resetting everything to PCPB's, Post-Celiac PB's.  This is the new body I have to run with and it should be allowed to set it's own PB's!  Not that I don't want to try and chase down my old PB's but I don't want to minimize the awesome improvements that have come in the last few years since being diagnosed either.  So bring on the challenges! 

Gymnastics

The kids both finished gymnastics lessons at the end of March and I'm just getting around to downloading the pictures...that is life.  They did great.  G gained a lot of confidence and A...well she isn't lacking in confidence or her ability to stand up and say "I'm NOT doing that".  

Taxes

I would like to know how it takes a week for my other mail to get to across the country but amazingly when it is a cheque for my taxes it is cashed within two days of me sending it!  Me thinks there is something suspicious going on in the mail system.

Wake-Up Calls

No, not the kind you get at a hotel. 


The kind where something hits you that you knew but were in denial about.  The kind where you realize you have to make some serious changes in your life.  The kind where chocolate will have to be turned down!  FFS!


Kind of enjoyed having my head in the sand.  Reality sucks.

And it was!

As I guessed the next couple runs were better.  The best was in Banff, fresh snow, nice temps, path along the river...the fresh smell of...wait what is that smell...ah yes I see what you are smoking there!   Happy to be still running and injury free!  Banff was the run that capped off 4 months of streaking!  4 months!  Wohoo!!!

You win some, you lose some

Run 120 was rotten.  The only good thing about it was the 2 episodes of Scrubs that I watched.  There are runs that feel great and there are runs that feel like you have blocks of cement molded around your feet.  Today was the latter.  


The good news is that I can be 99.99999% sure that tomorrow's run will be better!


Onwards!!

Birthday Girl

Every year I am reminded how loved I am on my birthday.  M, G and A tell me every single day how much they love me but it's on my birthday that the whole world seems to join in.  From the 50+ messages on Facebook to my favourite store having a cute dress/top in my size to a coworker singing Happy Birthday to me and another taking me out for lunch.  From a friend "singing" Happy Birthday in the key of G over messenger to flowers being delivered to multiple text messages and just having things turn out right all day.  It was an amazing day!  36 is going to be a good year, at the very least it has started out fabulous! 


G was very concerned that he give me more gifts than Daddy did, so he built me a tower, picked out flowers at the grocery store and gave me multiple renditions of jumping out from somewhere and shouting "surprise, Happy Birthday".  Le sigh, it just doesn't get any better than this!  


Cheers to a fabulous life!

Daisy, Daisy

Twas the tail of two Daisys this week-end.  Both young and spry.  Both black and tan.  Such friendly, sassy girls, the time went by in a whirl.

(Thank goodness I didn't decide on a life as a poet!)

Fast or slow?  (shutter speed that is)

 You love me right?

 Strike a pose!

Big jumps!

The water is fine!